


Foggy's Favourite Vigilante

by WriterJace



Series: Wise Guys songs turned Fanfiction [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Wise Guys (Band)
Genre: Deutscher Meister by the Wise Guys, I Don't Even Know, a football song turned into a daredevil fanfic, i loved that song as a kid, i mean it's loosely inspired by the song at best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterJace/pseuds/WriterJace
Summary: Foggy complaining about his local vigilante when there's a much better vigilante out there
Relationships: Foggy & Vigilantes, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson
Series: Wise Guys songs turned Fanfiction [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717939
Kudos: 23





	Foggy's Favourite Vigilante

**Author's Note:**

> It's (barely) based on the song Deutscher Meister by the Wise Guys. It's a football song and I don't understand what half the words they use even mean because I know nothing about football, let alone German football.

There are two things in life you can’t choose: your family – since those were already there before you were born - and your vigilante.

Foggy loves his family, he really does. He likes the big holiday parties and the many children that always seem to be running around. His immediate family will always support him in his endeavours, he knows that, and the wider Nelson brood will always give him a home to come back to, no matter what happens. So yes, Foggy Nelson loves his family, no doubt about it.

The topic of vigilantes is more complicated. Foggy’s a Hell’s Kitchen boy through and through and he knows he will never be able to truly call another place his home, and as such his vigilante – because at this point they have popped up all over New York City and all seem to have their own territory – is Daredevil.

The problem with Daredevil is that the whole “never meet your hero” also applies to vigilantes because ever since that awful night where Foggy found Matt on the floor of his living room, half dead, he has known Daredevil’s identity. And while the whole punching crime in the face even though he can’t see it and senses that allow him to sniff out the best avocado at the store can be useful and are even impressive at times – not that Foggy would ever admit that because they are still invasive as hell – Daredevil is a giant dork.

The costume is ridiculous. The horns. The _horns_. Matt is a devout Catholic who dresses up as a devil and prowls over rooftops at night, for fuck’s sake. There really is no dignity in that.

He is also ridiculously overprotective. New York City is a dangerous place and Foggy works with some dangerous people, so it is no surprise that sometimes, he gets tied up in some uncomfortable situations – sometimes literally.

But Foggy has no need to be worried because he apparently has an actual personal bodyguard in Daredevil. Foggy can hear him jump over nearby rooftops sometimes, checking in on him if he’s out late. Matt is not even subtle, it really is a wonder he wasn’t caught a long time ago.

And if something does happen, Matt will fuss over Foggy for hours even if he’s not hurt at all, all while Matt probably got stabbed a hundred times while trying to get to Foggy, and increase the overprotective behaviour even more, to the point where Foggy can barely leave the office on his own for a coffee run.

And sure, Matt can seem kind of intimidating if he’s punching some lowlife in the face and knocking them out with that one hit alone, but for the most part – it’s just really hard to take someone seriously if you’ve seen them have their beer run out of their nose from laughing too hard while drinking. Or heard them moan over a little cold. Or watched them walk into a lamppost that Foggy now knows fully well Matt should have been able to sense if he hadn’t been so drunk.

The point is, Foggy has a really hard time taking Matt seriously while he’s in costume. He’s effective, but he just isn’t a very cool vigilante. Not like some of the others, in other parts of New York. Not like Foggy’s favourite: Spiderman.

Just once, he wants to be saved by Spiderman rather than Daredevil. He even has it all planned out in his head: the reason why he’s in danger, the super cool rescue mission, the daring escape from the enemies’ clutches. Swinging away with those cool webs of his. Because yes, Spiderman can swing himself from skyscraper to skyscraper, which means he can basically fly, at least in Foggy’s books. Take that, Daredevil! Who would want to have enhanced senses when _flying_ is so much cooler?

Spiderman is also ridiculously strong. Like, seriously, the things Foggy’s seen him do on news footage is _incredible_. He stopped a bus with just his hands. A _bus_.

But anyway, back to the heroic rescue. In Foggy’s fantasy rescue, he gets kidnapped. Chloroform, blindfolds, vans, being tied to a chair, the whole shebang. Probably because of a case where he heroically defended the innocent – he doesn’t have as many of those anymore since he started working at Hogarth, Chao & Benowitz, since they care more about turning a profit than Matt does, but he still has a few from time to time.

So there he’d be, tied to a chair, a bad guy standing in front of him and demanding Foggy answer his questions. Of course, Foggy refuses – he is brave and strong in his imaginary adventures, _obviously_. The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad man would punish him, probably, but Foggy doesn’t really spend a lot of thought on that. It’s weird to picture himself getting seriously injured so he tends to skip that part, even if he’s seen enough of Matt’s injuries by now that he could probably have a pretty accurate mental picture of what that would look like. Yeah, no, skipping right past that, thank you very much.

So then Spiderman comes in. Swooping in through the window because vigilantes have some kind of allergy against using doors or something. He starts beating up criminals left and right – BAM! KAPOW! PFFF! (That was how Foggy imagines comic books would indicate the web-throwing because if anyone deserves to be the hero of a comic book series, it’s Spiderman, and Foggy is prepared to argue his point in court if he has to).

So then Spiderman would free Foggy, Foggy would say something cool and funny about Spiderman being late or whatever, and they would fly away into the starry night sky. Which doesn’t work because New York rarely has those, but again, this is a fantasy and as such Foggy is within his legal rights to take some artistic liberties. So off they would fly into the night, up to some rooftop with the most lovely view in all of New York state, and he would have a bottle of wine and two glasses that would appear out of thin air and they would –

“You know that Spiderman is not legally allowed to drink yet, right?”

Foggy is startled by Matt’s interruption to this wonderful tale he's telling him, just as he was getting to the juicy bits. “Excuse me?”

“Spiderman’s basically a kid. He’s still in High School.”

So no juicy bits then. Definitely not. Except maybe for a glass of actual fruit juice for the literal child that Foggy had been fantasising about which... ew. _Ew_.

“FUCK.”

Maybe Daredevil isn’t so bad then.


End file.
